Instagram est mon assassin Blog - Instagram is my blog killer

I know, I know....I am a horrible blog keeper and it has been two months since my last entry.  For my penance I should have to recite my contact list three times and light a few candles.  I have my blog bookmarked on my toolbar and I notice that I glance across my screen deliberately avoiding making eye contact.  I have so much to say and realize that I have sold my soul down the river to a little app we call INSTAGRAM!!  It takes so much less effort, and if a picture is worth a thousand words, then I have written a novel!!  But I am going to recommit to you....my blog....and promise to try and get some of those Instagram photos over to your blank pages.  

L'épicerie la Mecque - Carrefour!!

After pondering what to blog next, Mike has requested that I make mention of the experience that is Carrefour.  Carrefour has almost become a hallowed institution in our home spoken in hushed tones and silent awe.  We attend Carrefour more than we attend church and make almost as many offerings to Carrefour's plate as it makes to ours.  It holds the key to our existence in Lyon.  What is this mighty marvel that commands our time and effort....our grocery store.  Don't mock our devotion...it is real and it is deep.  We are converts to the Carrefour.

I have made mention to this mammoth grocery store in previous posts because I have never in my life been to a grocery that was so enormous!  It is easily three times the size of any Super WalMart that I have ever been to.   Usually going to the grocery was something that I dreaded back in the U.S. but I have found that going to the Carrefour is very fun and sometimes the adventure of my day.  The grocery is inside a shopping mall so when you pop over to the grocery store you may just happen into a store or two selling the latest frocks, pick up a new lipstick, try on some cute shoes or buy a baguette for dinner.  It is a wonderland of fun!! 

Here are a few pictures to prove that this mythical land exists:

No, Justin isn't really here, but I had to put in this picture of him.  While he was here he reminded me that in the first five days of his visit, we had been to the Carrefour four times.  One other thing that you can see from this picture is the stall for the carts in the background.  In order to get a cart, you have to put a Euro into a slot that releases a chain freeing your cart.  When you are finished with the cart, you return it to the stall and when you hook the cart back up, your coin is released.  I have never, not even once, seen a cart that was left next to an empty parking spot nor a clerk whose job it is to corral stray and abandoned carts.  This is something we definitely need to adopt back home.

Maybe this little lovely is the reason going to the grocery is so much fun.  When you enter the grocery you can choose to scan your groceries as you go and then go through an express checkout OR you can choose to stand in the always long lines for a real live person.  I choose the impersonal and automated fast checkout thank you very much.  I have no need for human interaction...I am a ROBOT.

This entire aisle contains your prepackaged choices for cheese.  Just the prepackaged cheese, my friend.  I am a little scared of this aisle but I do make one stop in here to pick up the Gouda cheese that Mike feeds the dogs every night after dinner.  The dog's over-processed American cheese will never taste the same when they return back to the country of their birth and their "old ways".   Just in case you are wondering....they have not one slice or shred of cheddar or colby jack.  That is an American thing. 

THIS is the Cave a Fromage - The Cheese Cave (and this is only a fourth of it, but I felt very SPY like sneaking around for photos so it is the best I can do)!!  I used to avoid this and other very specialized "CAVES" that dot the Carrefour but I have come to find the one jewel that I have been brave enough to try....fresh Italian mozzarella.  Folks I never knew such amazing mozzarella cheese existed.   I will always buy our mozzarella from the CAVE.   When I get braver, I may try something else!   

This is the Poissonnerie - fresh fish section.  Since I have absolutely no idea how to cook fresh fish, I never find myself here but right next to the poissonnerie is a fresh sushi kiosk where people make sushi to order or prepare things for the case.  I have had the sushi from the kiosk and it was very yum!

Okay every grocery has a bakery, but in the Etats-Unis we buy one baguette at a time.  Here they come in bulk and while you can buy one, that is weak, and who eats just ONE French baguette anyways?  Not the French....they buy them in bulk (10-12 in a bag - I have never purchased in bulk as I buy my baguette from my local boulangerie and one at a time).  Out of frame was the pallet of Nuttella.  No need to stock that bad boy, just pull it off the pallet!

You think I lie about the size....this is a picture down the main aisle.  Can you see the end?  No....and neither could you if you were standing in the store.

This is HALF of the yogurt aisle.  Enough said.

Not featured in the grocery photos just to name a few departments:  Auto department, Electronics department, Home Appliances, Cafe, Pharmacy, Travel Department, Flower Shop and frankly many others.  These two photos are of the mall outside the Carrefour.  I have found my way down these corridors many times.  Ask Mike.

Can a mall inspire such awe?  Perhaps not, but it's a fun place to go if you have a few hours to kill while you are in France. 

Il n'est pas toujours à propos de nous - It's not always about us!

Perhaps one of the most terrifying things about being in a foreign country is the language barrier. Losing the ability to communicate is intimidating, humbling and terribly inconvenient!  Simple conversations that you would have with vendors, repairmen or neighbor on the elevator come to a screeching halt after...."Je suis désolé. Je ne parle pas Français".  They shake their head and maybe a "poof" or "uuoof" sound escapes from their lips.  Pretty much a conversation end-er!!!  Many times there is an effort made by both parties to get some meaning across but it is hard and while I understand the "gist" of what they are saying, I don't understand the words they are saying.  

I have learned the polite hello's and goodbye's, the good-morning, good-afternoon and good-nights, how to wish a good Sunday, and of course how to order a sandwich and now adding a baguette to my order.  After six weeks in France I desperately WANT to understand what is being said but it is just not there.  I want the interpretation of tongues gift.  I want to turn on a switch inside of me that makes speaking and understanding French possible.  It is frustrating having a deep desire to know, but also having complete inability and inadequacy.    

Living in an apartment I do not have the choice of living in isolation and avoiding any and all opportunities to offend someone or break social rules or cultural taboos.  I have to have some level of social awareness and adhere to anything I can identify as the etiquette rules of their culture as we have to share common areas like elevators, gardens, garages, lobbies and basements.  

As any apartment caretaker would do, notices that are meant for the tenants to understand and comply with are posted in obvious areas to give notices, correction and policies.  Here are a few....

I have no idea what this means, but it looks important and has something to do with official decisions, work, hot and cold water and something about June 11th.

This says that they are cleaning the small garbage shoot and not to throw your trash down the hatch on June 26th.

The top note says that our "gardienne," who is the person who keeps our common spaces clean and basically manages everything in our apartment is going on vacation from July 7th to July 27th (she does an amazing job!  The long hallway to the garbage disposal cans smells as fresh as a daisy and there isn't a dust bunny or stray piece of garbage to be found.  You could take a meal in the room where the garbage cans are kept it smells so good and looks so clean -- I won't-- but someone could).

This is a somewhat important looking notice and has something to do with the water meters and making sure your animals are contained and they can have access to your apartment on July 17th...I can't forget this one!!!
 
 There have been other signs posted that I don't have pictured here that have presented similar challenges as Justin, Mike and I stand over them trying to get some meaning out of them.  Many, many times I see what the notes meant by seeing what happens that day around the complex.  One day it was that they were trimming the hedges and they didn't want you to park your car in front of them so the workers could do their job.  One day they didn't want you to park in the first five spaces because a hoist company was moving someone in our out.  There are lots of things and reasons why they post things!! 

It is this picture that inspired the title of this blog.  This notice is taped onto the recycling disposal can in the basement.  It says something about "DO NOT", and something about bottles, and something about "everything else can go in this can."  

As I mentioned, there is a certain level of paranoia that comes when you don't understand the signs that are posted in places that you now frequent.  Did the signs only start to appear after we arrived?  Are we breaking some social or cultural rule? 

This sign on the dumpster had Justin and I worried that we "weren't doing it right!"  We skimmed over the note looking for anything familiar....We crush our cans as flat as we can; we tear down our boxes (although this one is so inconvenient and laborious....Justin and I never realized how much work it is to be kind to the planet, some days I wish Mother Earth wouldn't be so demanding that I crush my Kleenex box!); we make sure to separate the non-recyclable from the recyclable; we carry it down and carefully put it into the bins and never leave it outside the cans like pigs!  

We examined everything we could think of....Finally I said, "Justin, maybe it isn't all about us!  Maybe WE are the ones doing it correctly!"  Funny that the thought never crossed my mind before....

La synchronisation est tout - Timing is Everything

The last weekend before Justin left to go back to the United States, we decided that we would drive to Geneva for the day and grab lunch in Switzerland since it is only a two hour drive from Lyon (we are so fancy like that).  We invited a young man named Justin from our Ecully Ward to join us.  I must say it was both confusing and convenient to have conversations like, "Justin look at the beautiful countryside.  Justin, can you hand me the dogs leash?"  It was like a two for one thing!!  Justin is from Las Vegas.  He is studying at the Culinary Institute of Paul Bocuse, a very prestigious and well known chef and founder of the school here in Lyon.  He will be here for the next three years and is away from all his family and friends and I have taken to him perhaps because I feel we are all a little displaced and could use some adopted family.  Before I continue the Geneva story, I have to tell about the of the first time, I guess it is really the ONLY time, Justin came to have dinner at our house.  (Not my finest moment!)  Justin has neither confirmed nor denied whether or not he will ever again accept an invitation to dinner. 

The preface needed to this "side" story is that several weeks ago we went to Paris for the day to have lunch with a business associate of Mike's (again, another fancy lunch...I'm just showing off now!).  We arrived back on the train in Lyon around 7:30 p.m.  I realized that I needed to go to the grocery for our Sunday dinner and so we hustled to the Carrefour just 20 minutes before they closed.  I have mentioned the shear size of the Carrefour before but until you see the massive scale of the grocery it may be hard to understand why getting in and out in 20 minutes is a difficult thing to do.   I whipped through the store quickly grabbing several packages of meat and some pasta before rushing to the check-out.  I have prepared veal scaloppine a few times since arriving in France but these cuts of meat were ones that I had picked up from the market already breaded or from the butcher shop, both sources required that they just be grilled in a hot pan for 6 minutes and then VOILA they were ready.   At the end of the day the Carrefour didn't have the pre-breaded kind so I just picked up a bulk package of veal and shoved it in my cart.  **Side story to my side story--I do that a lot**  Until now, I have had several objections to eating baby cow but I have to admit I kinda like it.  I guess baby cow is pretty tame in comparison to some of the things that I have seen here in France.  I will probably be able to do an entire blog on the meat departments, but I am already in the middle of a diversion that has taken me off topic.  Let me just say that at Carrefour there is a section of "cheval"(that is horse meat...good thing I covered some basic farm animals in my Rosetta Stone course or I wouldn't have known that!!) and there are brains, livers, hearts, intestines and just gross stuff!!  I can handle the veal more easily.  

When we were at church on Sunday, I thought to invite Justin over for dinner since I had bought that bulk package of veal and I knew there would be enough for all four of us.  When Justin came over, he arrived around five and I had planned to visit and then cook around six.  In our pre-dinner chat, one of the topics we covered was what Justin had learned that week in school and to my horror, he had studied for a week on the preparation of VEAL!!  I was already very intimidated to have him over and cook for him and now this!!!  We started with a little appetizer of cantelope and then moved onto the "salad course" of tomato and mozzarella (we ALWAYS eat in courses at our house....NOT!  I was trying to be fancy and French, both things I am not!) and while the guys were outside eating and chatting I went in and decided to start the veal.  We actually do take a lot of our meals out on the balcony and that is VERY French.  Can I just say and I am not being modest, it turned out AWFUL!    I made my own breading by blending croutons and adding herbs from Provence that I had actually bought FROM Provence the previous weekend.  I soaked the meat in a bath of milk and then eggs and then dredged it in the homemade breading.  It sounds good so far right?  MISTAKE #1:  The meat was not as thin as the meat from the butcher since I had just grabbed the "bulk" packaging that was left out at the end of the day.  I had nothing to pound the meat thin, so instead I just pressed forward and decided I would just "cook it a little longer".  MISTAKE #2:  I overheated the oil, it was smoking, and can I just say that the breading was burned and falling off the meat...the meat was tough and I'm not entirely sure it was cooked through.  It was disastrous!!  There was no back up plan, nothing else in the house to cook and thus.... MISTAKE #3:  I had no choice but to serve the meat!!  If it had been just the boys and I, we probably would have broken the Sabbath and eaten out.  I'm just glad no one got sick!!  Before Justin came over, I said to Mike that I should just have Justin cook the dinner but he informed me that was rude.  I'm not sure what is worse....breaking etiquette rules and eating a well prepared piece of meat that Justin had just spent 60 hours learning how to prepare and cook OR eating burnt crusted, tough and maybe in some places raw, veal!  For dessert, I just brought the pre-made ice cream directly from the freezer and in the carton to the table with bowls and spoons where everyone could scoop their own portion.  I knew I couldn't mess up ice cream from a container!!

SO anyway....Justin (the adopted one) came with us to Geneva!! 

One of the main focal points of the city of Geneva is Lake Geneva.  It is an impressively large lake, in fact the largest lake in Switzerland and Western Europe.  You cannot see the boundaries of the lake as it is spans some 45 miles in length and at some places up to 8 miles in width.  In the bay at Geneva is a water fountain appropriately called Jet d'Eau (jet of water).  They didn't spend too much time trying to fancy that one up!! 

Boys being boys, the Justins' decided that they wanted to walk out on the pier where the Jet d'Eau shot off it's impressive spray. 

This was a great idea until the winds changed and the boys were too proud to change plans once they were close.  Notice they are the ONLY ones walking out there and this picture was taken with my SUPER zoom lens!  Needless to say, they soon realized that they could not proceed given the conditions and they came back DRENCHED in water.  We walked the long distance back to shore, the boys feeling denied.  By the time we had made the long walk back to shore, the winds of course changed and they saw their opening and headed back out to finish what they had started. 

Notice the difference!!!  Timing is EVERYTHING!!

Oh yeah...We did it!!!  Notice both Justins' white clothing.  They could have won a white t-shirt and shorts competition!!! 

Mike and the girls watched from the peace and serenity of a cafe where they sipped on Evian water and a Coke Light.

We ate lunch at an overpriced cafe over-looking the lake but I must say, the pizza was fantastic and the view was unmatched. 

Vendredi 13 - Mon version: Friday the 13th - My Version

There are a few things that really scare me.  Sharks:  They can kill you!  First they tear the flesh from your body leaving you to suffer from blood loss where you die shortly after they pull your limp lifeless body to shore.  I was raised in the "Jaws" era so I remember vividly my Uncle Joe taking me as a 6 year old child to see this terror movie that has inspired my fear of the ocean and deep swimming pools--What was Grandma thinking!!  Snakes:  They are creepy,  slimy and again, some are poisonous and can kill you.  Okay, maybe not kill you but if you live in Australia or Madagascar they could!!  Again, as a young child I remember being nearly bitten by a rattlesnake that my dad later said had it bite me I could have died--maybe an exaggeration but I believe EVERYTHING my dad says.  Poisonous Spiders:  Everyone reading this blog knows why I fear poisonous spiders!!  My house has been infested with Brown Recluse for several years and again, growing up in Arizona there were these horrible spiders called Black Widows that are aggressive poisonous spiders that I was always afraid would somehow jump around my foot or broom or whatever weapon I could find to smash the horrible creatures and bite me!!  This again may be an exaggeration but none the less....I can now smash brown recluse with my shoe or whatever weapon is close so there is a little improvement in managing my fears. 

In the past six weeks living in beautiful France, I have added another thing to my list of fears:  Freddy Krueger, a gruesome nightmare axe murderer invented in Hollywood - but maybe he also lived in France?!  Ok, a horrible movie released in 1980 (I was 11) that I never actually watched except I have a pretty good idea that if you are a girl running in a dark forest from a guy in a hockey mask who is carrying a machete, your chances are 100% that you are going to trip and fall and its lights out senorita.  Why the recent addition:  


Exhibit A:  The basement where I have to take my garbage:

Enough said....Except I did notice that my storage locker is B13!! OH and one more thing...The lights are timed and so if you stay down there too long, the lights go out and you are left to fumble along the walls until you happen to find the switch to turn the lights back on.  Right before you find the switch, you feel a cold drop of blood that is dripping off Freddy Kruegers scarred and bloody face....I can live with garbage!!

Mon cœur se serre - My heart aches

Almost everyday for the past month I have started my day with my favorite morning treat, un pain du chocolat.  Today, there was pain but it was more settled in my chest and heart.  There is so much to catch up on and I am way behind blogging my adventures, but I have to just pause one more day and have a sad moment.   Today Justin left to go back to the United States.  I had mentally been preparing for him to leave since he arrived but there is just no preparing for the quantum sadness that I knew awaited me the day that I had to return him to the airport that had only one month previously brought me so much happiness.  He had to be at the airport super early so we were up by 5 a.m. and out the door by 5:30.  After we dropped him off, I took Mike to work and made my way back to the apartment.  I held everything together until I opened the door and then the flood gates opened, and I mean opened.  I sobbed for a good 40 minutes and then committed myself to a day to wallowing in my sadness.  At 10:00 I got up, made myself a Pain du Chocolat, which was yummy as always but did not stand a chance of breaking me out of my personal day of mourning.  I climbed back into bed and by noon I couldn't take the aching from laying in bed all morning.  I had read everything about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes breakup and his scary religion and I was afraid that I might turn myself to stalk other celebrities sad and troubled lives when I decided that I had to break my personal vow to bed rest and get up.  It is hard work to be sad.  I sweep the floors, mustered the energy to strip the sheets off Justin's bed (I had thought I would leave them there so I could kinda make a shrine out of the bedroom but I thought that was kinda sick and twisted) and I actually made my bed because from the pain in my back I knew I couldn't stand to spend the rest of the afternoon in bed.  I went to the Carrefour and did some retail therapy which didn't even take the edge off although I did pick up two pairs of shoes that I am sure in the future will bring me great happiness :)!  Basically, it was, to quote one of my dearest besties, a "craptastic" day.   


Oh and Dad, if you're reading this, sorry, but since this is a day of purging sadness....I will have to add that my dad told me he is starting his chemo for his leukemia in a few weeks.  He is so brave and told me he is ready to begin the treatments, but the little girl in me is scared, sad, and just wants NOT to be thousands upon thousands of miles away.  I will try and be brave tomorrow, but today is my sad day. 


Sorry, there is no silver lining to this story but I am sure that just getting my pain, not to be confused with a croissant, out into the world will help me pull out my happy pants again soon....but definitely, most definitely, not today.   I may have to go to TWO-A-DAYS on my pain du chocolat.... *sign* and the shedding of a few more tears...

Château de Fontainebleau

The American girl in me has always held a fascination with castles and royalty.  I've always loved the pomp and ceremony of royal weddings, the tabloid pictures showing princesses in tiaras and elegant ball gowns.  Perhaps we unconsciously put the idea in our head from the time we are little girls dancing around in tulle and tiaras on our tippy toes!  How many of us have held the secret dream of finding out that you are a princess forced at your birth to enter a commoners life undetected to protect your royal identity from those who wanted to oust you from your royal responsibilities until the day was right for you to spring from the masquerade and return to save the monarchy?  Just ask yourself....How many times have you seen Princess Diaries 1 and 2?  How many times have you heard and related the fairytale of Cinderella or any of your favorite Disney Princess?  Ok!!  So my point....I have seen the castle Fontainebleau in books and behind Château Versailles, it was one of the Palaces that was on my "Must Sees" in France.  (By the way, I did not know this until this week that château is the word for castle in French, so Castle Versaille and Château Versailles are the same thing.)


I decided that Tuesday would be the best day for the 3 1/2 hour one way journey to Fontainebleau because Mike was out of town for a couple of days and our Wednesday was busy with repairmen for the apartment.  I checked the website for information on the castle, checked the weather, invited an American who is visiting a family in our ward for a few weeks to come with us, and on Tuesday morning we hit the road excited for our adventure.  When we arrived in Fontainebleau's city center, I patted my back as I saw the castle for the first time and noticed that we had picked a perfect day to come since the crowds were small because school was still in session in France for several more weeks.  As we approached the ticket counter I realized that I was not as smart as I had just prided myself.  The Château is closed on Tuesday's!!!  When I had read the website I had misunderstood thinking that they meant they were closed on Tuesday December 25, January 1st and some other day....I thought those days were Tuesdays and not that they were closed EVERY Tuesday!!  We all got a pretty big laugh about that as we decided to make the best of a bad situation and just take our sandwich au beurre de jambon et fromage and wander around the grounds before we started our 3 1/2 hour journey back to Lyon.  Here are a few pictures of us "making lemonade out of lemons!" 

We took our sandwiches and found a bench in the garden and ate our lunch laughing about our great adventure!

Am I a lucky mom or what?!

Notice that there is no way you could get a picture like this UNLESS you went on a Tuesday!!

The one stray tourist in the background...the grounds are not as elaborate with sculptured flower gardens and fountains like Versailles but are nonetheless very beautiful.  The Château was used as the main home for many French monarchs but it was used by most as a hunting ground.  The surrounding forest is still known today for its variety of animals and hiking areas.

We went to take a closer look at the one of the ponds and almost immediately the huge fish in the pond swam over to scrounge for bread crumbs from the American tourists.  These fish don't realize that we leave no bread crumb behind when devouring our sandwich au beurre de jambon et fromage.  As we walked along the edge of the pond we had up to 10 fish that were following behind begging for crumbs.  Sorry....we don't have any food!  Don't worry little fishy....tomorrow there will be some compliant tourist with a spare baguette.

Yep, they are definitely closed!  Justin had to take a peek just to see what we were missing.  Apparently we were missing some pretty good stuff!!  We will have to go back.  I think we are free next Tuesday...oh wait, I did that already!

As we were leaving the grounds, we couldn't help but noticed 3 or 4 members of the line drummers from the Gardes Francaises following us down the promenade toward the castle gate.  When we looked back again, there were 7 or 8.   Then another glance and there were 10 or 11 joining the march.  Justin turned to me and made a backward comment to the growing infantry ...."We don't have any food!" (see two photo above for comment about the starving fish!)  We laughed hysterically.  Justin is so funny!

Ok, so they weren't following us but instead posing for a future brochure!  I think they looked hungry!  

Other things you can't do on days when the palace is loaded with tourist....Body surf down the balusters of the Palace Grand Staircase!